Our response to the need for sex education is important. The system of this world has proposed a curriculum to teach our children – unfortunately it proposes to teach values and practices that offend the One who created sexuality. It is important what is taught and equally important to ask who is teaching it and why. I stand in a unique place as I can see that the sexual abuse of children is increasing around the world (in consistent research I come across in our ministry) and the world’s response is to sexualize our children? They are in the dark.
The sexual abuse of children is becoming a serious problem and at a I rate the ‘experts’ cannot comprehend. I have known about the CSE (Comprehensive Sexual Education) since 2016 and it was shocking but not surprising. Our entire universe seems to be going through another sexual revolution and if it is anything like the last one, it will be marked with mental, spiritual, sexual, emotional and physical pain and confusion… I have learnt many things in the past few years that have been traumatic, disturbing and painful to say the least. The evil agenda to sexualize our children is beyond anything I could have imagined. And as much as I hate to say it – I do not think it can be stopped in the system of this world. Many people have turned their back on God’s instructions for sexuality and this is the consequence of that choice. The world has never been so confused and lost. Society, as we know it, can not keep families together, young people disease free or keep children safe from sexual abuse – So I put no faith in the system of this world. The Bible clearly and irrefutably states that we live in a fallen world – a world that is dying. The end times (which we find ourselves) is marked with wars, natural disasters and a general breakdown of morality. It is happening. It is here.
YET at the same time, the Bible speaks of a Hope that will come to every person who repents, turns from their wicked ways and follows Jesus Christ: That is good news!
“If we see the universe as the Bible sees it, we will not try to “reclaim” some lost golden age. We will see an invisible conflict of the kingdoms, a satanic horror show being invaded by the reign of Christ. This will drive us to see who our real enemies are, and they are not the cultural and sexual prisoners-of-war all around us. If we seek the kingdom, we will see the devil.“
The truth is that our children do need sex education; but they need accurate sex education – from us.
Teaching our children Biblical sexuality is actually True sexuality, we just have to specifically declare it biblical today because of many perceptions that have been corrupted and conformed in the pattern of this world. God created sexuality and sexual intimacy; therefore HIS LIVING WORD is the ultimate authority on every issue surrounding sexuality. This revelation is vital in order to train children about God’s original design for their sexuality; If as a parent – you yourself are not convinced and convicted of this truth – it will not be passed on to your children.
I guess that is why so many of us parents avoid talking to our children about sex; it is not that we do not know the biology of it or that we have not learnt valuable lessons over broken hearts… it is perhaps that we have not been fully redeemed ourselves in this arena of our lives? Shame has silenced us.
As the crew on a plane will explain to you before you take a flight: “Put your own oxygen mask on before you put an oxygen mask on a child”. They say this in the safety drill in case of an emergency that involves the plane losing oxygen. If this happens you will need oxygen to help others, if you put an oxygen mask on a child first and lose consciousness in the process – you will not be able to help the child any further if they perhaps need to reapply their mask or evacuate and this could put them in greater risk. I believe the same is true for sexuality. If we have not been redeemed and restored sexually, our capacity to teach and train our children about what true (biblical) sexuality is and looks like will be minimized.
“We should not be ashamed to discuss what God was not ashamed to create.” Dr Howard Hendricks
What we truly believe will be perceived by our children, weather we verbally say it or not.
Questions to ask yourself: What is keeping me from discussing sexuality with my children? Is it because I do not completely understand it myself? Is it because my parents never discussed it with me and so I do not know how to? Is it because someone hurt me sexually and talking about it hurts me? Is it because I am embarrassed to talk about it because I have a wrong view of it? Is it because it reminds me of all the sexual mistakes I have made and I feel ashamed? Do you trust God as the source of truth and morality?
I always encourage parents to deal with their own sexual brokenness as the main preparation in teaching their children about biblical sexuality. The truth is we are all sexually broken in some way – because we have all been sexually violated by the world around us; directly or indirectly. It may have been sexual abuse or it may have been something more subtle like an inappropriate picture that touched your soul when you were a child and that left you feeling violated – whatever it is – it caused you to have a wrong understanding of sexuality and this impacts your soul. The good news is that Jesus Christ can reach that deep part of you and heal that wound in your heart – but only He can. When we make Him Lord of our lives He renews our minds, exposes the lies that have kept us captive and SETS US FREE WITH HIS TRUTH! Understanding the sacredness of sexuality is a revelation that is taught AND caught. I can give you long lists of tips on ‘how to talk to your kids about sex’, but it will just be head knowledge If there is no revelation attached. It is only when the hearts of our children change that their lives will change. Revelation from a living God is the only thing capable to change a heart.
“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:2 (ESV)
We can know the good and acceptable and perfect will of God for our sexuality – as long as we stay untainted by this world and allow the Lordship of Jesus Christ to renew our minds completely. This is not easy – it takes sacrifice and obedience – but it is SO worth it!
“Where is the clear voice speaking to the crucial issues of the day with distinctively biblical, Christian answers? With tears we must say that largely it is not there and that a large segment of the evangelical world has become seduced by the world spirit of this present age. And more than this, we can expect the future to be a further disaster if the evangelical world does not take a stand for biblical truth and morality in the full spectrum of life.”
So on the foundation of revelation from a Living God, through His Living Word; here are some tips:
FOR YOUNG CHILDREN:
1. HONORING OUR BODIES.
Biblical sexuality BEGINS with honoring our bodies. Raising your child to respect their body and care for their body. Not just because it is a physically healthy thing to do, but because it was formed, develops and matures in the intricate and unique design of our All-Powerful Creator. This will prepare them to honor God with their bodies and to one day acknowledge God as the Creator of sexuality and sexual intimacy too. 1 Corinthians 6:19 / Romans 12:1
2. UNDERSTANDING INTIMACY.
Biblical intimacy is being intimate with God before being intimate with each other. That can refer to friendships, family and marriage. Be a practical example in this for your child and emphasize that God is our first love.
EG: Having quiet times in the morning before we start our day. This will prepare and encourage them to find their identity in God alone. Matthew 6:5-6 / Revelation 2:4-5
3. CULTIVATE A FEAR OF GOD.
Respecting all that God has created is key for little children. This is incredibly important. Animal cruelty should be taken seriously by the Body of Christ. I cannot believe how many people think it is okay to be cruel to innocent animals or let their children squeeze and injure pets. If our children learn from a young age to respect ALL that God has made, it will be easier for them to respect ALL He has made when they are grown up – and that will include human beings. Romans 1:20 / Psalm 89:11
“The Lord is good to all, and his mercy is over all that He has made.” Psalm 145:9
When children are very young it is all about laying a foundation to VALUE what is important. Once this is laid, you can start engaging in more informative and detailed conversations as they develop. In our opinion one of the biggest reasons for all the sexual immorality today is the lack of the fear of God and so it is something our ministry emphasizes with most advice we give. A reference for a Holy God will automatically change the way a person sees themselves and others…
“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; all who practice it have a good understanding.” Psalm 111:10
Also be encouraged that parents should initiate most of these conversations in the beginning. Set the pace, be the example that you are not only OK to talk about sexuality but that it is an important thing to talk about! Many children in our generation grew up thinking sexuality was not significant just because nobody spoke about it… When you feel your child is ready (or needs to be), talk to them- in an age appropriate way. Especially when It comes to information that will keep them safe and secure.
FOR OLDER CHILDREN:
I say conversations because it should never be ‘one chat’. Your child should be able to come to you anytime and ask any question they have about sex – if they feel that they cannot do this then it is a dangerous space for them to be in. Especially with the internet around. It is your job to be as approachable and relevant as possible. Always ask them what exactly they are asking before answering a question so that you are sure of what information they need; this will help to avoid giving them information they are not ready for. Deuteronomy 11:19 / Proverbs 22:6
2. PROTECT THEM.
It is a parents job to protect their child. We must protect our children today in ways that were never the reality for parents even ten years ago. We have to physically, sexually, emotionally, mentally, spiritually AND digitally protect them. As the pressures of life confront us, let us never grow weary of protecting our children. This could include supervised play dates with open doors, no sleep overs, internet with filters that block inappropriate content from all devices and sometimes – the loss of a popularity contest (when ‘everybody’ is doing it and you do not allow your child to do whatever it is). Protection is often clothed by discipline, let us have the courage to discipline. Proverbs 13:24 / Proverbs 13:22
3. GET EDUCATED TO EXPLAIN.
Study the Bible for yourself and take some time to look into specific issues that you are needing understanding in. Then find some credible and trustworthy resources that will give you accurate information in terms of biology; puberty, hormones or any other physical season your child will go through. They will need support in understanding what is happening to their bodies! There are so many resources today (more than our parents had!), so ask the Lord to lead you to the right ones and be intentional about your preparation as well as your child’s protection. Proverbs 1:8-9 / Colossians 3:20
Always remember to praise God for giving us the gift of sexuality and sexual intimacy – He is a good Father and He only gives good gifts!
“WHAT IS SEX?”
4/5 years old: Sexual intimacy is a physical love that God gave a mommy and a daddy to share only with each other.
7/8 years old: Sexual intimacy is a gift from God that is for a husband and his wife only. It involves being naked together and loving one another in a very close way. God created it to produce intimacy and also babies.
10/11 years old: Sexual intimacy is a physical, mental, emotional and spiritual act that God created to be enjoyed within a marriage covenant relationship between a husband and his wife. When people take sex outside of the boundaries God gave it; they experience pain. God gave us the gift of sexuality to represent something significant here on earth – it is to understand Him better and His heart for holiness, intimacy and unity.
13/14 years old: Sexual intimacy is ultimate intimacy and is designed to be experienced in marriage. It is the ultimate way of knowing another human being and you become ‘one’ with the person you commit to in this way. Experiencing sex outside of marriage is dangerous and the Bible warns us over and over about the consequences of sexual sin. We experience natural feelings of attraction to energize us to find one and commit to one – but the world around us has rejected God and so do not understand His original design for the act of sexual intimacy. There are many lies that people around us believe and expect us also to believe, that is why we need to know God’s living Word so that the Holy Spirit will lead us into all truth regarding our identity in Him. God made sexual intimacy and therefore His instructions regarding it are the best we can follow.
“WHERE DO BABIES COME FROM?”
4/5 years old: It is when a mommy and daddy love each other so much that God blesses them and creates a baby in the mommy’s tummy.
7/8 years old: It is when the seed from daddy’s body goes into mommy’s body and meets an egg – when the seed and the egg meet: God creates a baby.
10/11 years old: It is when a husband is naked with his wife – God blessed them with this experience to love one another. When they do this; the husband’s seed (called sperm) enters his wife’s body and travels inside to meet an egg. When the seed and the egg meet – God blesses this act of intimacy with life and creates a baby.
13/14 years old: Babies are always created by God as He is the giver of life. The physical act of sex sometimes produces the women’s egg to be fertilized by the man’s seed (sperm). God desires that sex only happens between a husband and his wife; and so then a child is born into a family who can create a safe place for them to grow. Many people reject God’s plan and make their own plans. When this happens, children are born into the world sometimes without the safety of having a mom and a dad. This makes the heart of God very sad and He is always inviting, by His Spirit, people to turn from doing their own thing and obey Him; so that they will experience the joy of living the way they were created to live.
“WHAT IS PORNOGRAPHY?”
4/5 years old: Pornography is bad pictures of people with little or no clothes on. God created our bodies to be like treasures – not to show our precious and private body parts (that are covered by our swimming costumes) to other people.
7/8 years old: Pornography is bad pictures of people who show the parts of their bodies where they are supposed to be wearing underwear. If you ever see photos or videos of people who look like this, please tell mom or dad – even if you feel funny inside. These are dangerous pictures and we want to protect you from them, so we will be very proud of you for telling us!
10/11 years old: Pornography is bad pictures and is harmful for your brain and heart. It can be a picture, a video or writing about people with no clothes on. It is very dangerous and addictive for human beings. It makes the Holy Spirit very sad when we look at pictures like this. It is best to run away if someone shows you pornography and remember you can always tell us. You will never get into trouble for being honest. We love you and want to protect you.
13/14 years old: Pornography is a public health crisis as it has the power to change a person’s sexual desire, preference, as well as destroying their ability to be intimate with another human being. It teaches toxic and hurtful behavior that is not what God intended for a marriage covenant relationship. It shows behavior that corrupts and lies about what God designed sexual intimacy to be. The Bible does warn us that in the end times; the world will become increasingly evil so it is time for us to become increasingly passionate for God and His Word – so that we can help as many people as we can with His Truth.
I want to encourage you, from the bottom of my heart, to protect your children in this day and age is to prepare them. We cannot ‘child-proof’ the world; but we can ‘world-proof’ the child. This means they need to know they are growing up in a world that has twisted and corrupted God’s design for sexual intimacy and identity. A world that has rejected their creator. A world that we, as Christians, are not supposed to conform to…
“The sexual confusion we see in our culture is rooted in spiritual confusion.” Dr. Juli Slattery